my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Randomize
