I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
