Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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