If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
