watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My feet surprised me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
