i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
