as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
