ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
