Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
