she was so not down for the gang bang
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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