its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
