the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
