were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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