so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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