It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
