i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
