Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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