Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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