I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
