yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my shit smells like andre
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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