He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
