just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
