i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I checked into jail on foursquare
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
