You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
