Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
