you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
