there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
