I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
