"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
