im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
