Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think i peed on brittanys purse
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
