I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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