why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My balls are so social today.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
