So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
