um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
my poor anus
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
