Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
