this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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