Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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