Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
