Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
