Fine. I'll sleep in my office
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
