Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
