I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
