listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
