dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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