I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
