So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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