We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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