Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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