I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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