There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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