It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
