On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He better not be in your backpack
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
