she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
