She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
