I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
