the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
